6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
