She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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