What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
