??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
