I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
