Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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