I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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