Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
