the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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