my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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