I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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