You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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