sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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