the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
