fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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