but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
