I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
