He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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