I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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