My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
