I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
