So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
