I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
