420 ftw
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
