sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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