A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
