Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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