She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
