He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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