we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
