I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Randomize
