i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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