I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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