If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
