i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
