peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
