sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
