kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
