Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
