I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
