just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
