Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boob is missing a layer of skin
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
