Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
