I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
