Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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