DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
