We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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