Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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