i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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