I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
