You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
