Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
