When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
