I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is the high leading the old right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
