How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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