suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's shark week go big or go home
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
