My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
