After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
