I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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