Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Randomize
