Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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