I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
