that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
