True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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