My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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