Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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