If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
