Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize