What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
