Swine flu is the new snow day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
