i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
