just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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