why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
