Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
one might say we're banned from that church
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
