the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
