You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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