Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
