wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think my mom watched the whole time
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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