I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
