i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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