He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize