My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
